Romantic Attraction
Many people who occasionally interact or chat with another person often develop an intense liking for that individual and within no time, think they have a romantic attraction. But is a romantic attraction so simple or even required for your relationship? While there are several types of relationships, for most of them, a romantic attraction is desirable. It’s what sustains the relationship, and without it, you are going to be searching for another partner very soon.
What exactly is a romantic attraction?
A romantic attraction is a combination of physical, sexual, and emotional connections. Initially, it is hard to define different types of attraction. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are overwhelming, exciting, and seductive. However, it is important to remember that some people have a romantic feelings without the sexual charge and vice versa. Also, remember that this is different than physical attraction. Let us explain more.
Sexual attraction, the most primary human instinct, is more of an urge to be physically intimate with the other person. Also referred to as lust, this attraction occurs when you see an individual and immediately imagine yourself thrusting wildly in bed- this is sexual attraction; it is instant, shallow, and simple, but the result can be very gratifying. With this type of attraction, one does not look past the physique. The attraction is so fast that there is little time to consider the likes, dislikes, personality, or character of the person- all it involves is rabid love making.
Romantic attraction, on the other hand, involves a lot more than just the thoughts of a romp in bed; it is more cerebral and includes ‘love chemicals’ of the brain that make you want to know more about the person such as interests, personality, ambition, character, honesty and much more. This creates an emotional attraction triggering curiosity and an urge to do something nice for the other person like buying flowers, going for a nice dinner, or simply walking in the park holding hands and laughing. With romantic attraction, there is a surge of love hormones that excite, thrill and make you happy. Hormones like oxytocin and dopamine may make you surrender your body in bed to enjoy sexual contact with your romantic partner. The one key feature of this attraction is that you romanticize spending the rest of your life with that person- your soulmate.
The timing of romantic contact
It is important to understand that a romantic attraction is a gradual process, unlike a sexual attraction which is often an instant event. With romantic attraction it is much more than a sexy body, huge biceps, or voluptuous breasts; it is a slow process that allows your feelings to grow and deepen- most people experience a point where you simply can't stop thinking about that person and want to be with them all the time. In your quest to be with that person, everything else becomes irrelevant.
How men and women view romantic attraction
There is no question that men and women view and value romantic attraction differently. While the priorities may be similar, they do vary in degree of preference for certain traits and more importantly, these preferences change with age. Overall, it appears that most men develop a sexual attraction before a romantic attraction and the reverse is true for women. Men look at beautiful women and do not ponder on the future but rather lust for her in bed. Women tend to go for personality, brains, character, and emotional connection.
It is these preferences that let both genders make decisions about long term relationships, sex, and babies.
But what many people may not know is these preferences between men and women do shift with age. While men tend to place more preferences on aesthetic attraction than women, this gap narrows with age. On the other hand, while younger women place a higher emphasis on the personality of young men, both older men and women prioritize personality as they age. After all, who wants to grow old with a grumpy, paranoid, and ill-tempered individual?
Overall, while both genders do find the same things sexy while young, as they age, the difference in priorities tend to narrow. Your sexual relationship will change with this, as will your emotional intimacy.
Changes in romantic attraction over time
No matter how strong the romantic attraction is, for many couples, it may lose the spark. Like all relationships, romantic attractions also have a honeymoon phase where the hormones peak and the stars are brighter, falling in love is effortless, having sex is never boring, the sun is always shining, there is plenty to laugh about and everything you do together creates a magnetic bond that makes you inseparable. It is also a stage where you are most vulnerable, as you have given 100% to the relationship.
The honeymoon is over
Following the honeymoon phase, reality starts to sink in; you get to see your partner more lucidly; the curtains which were drawn over your eyes open and you see the partner as they are in real life- all your differences, personality, and character traits start to become more obvious. If the attraction was only sexual then you may just wake up one day and say, ‘what the hell was I thinking?’
But in a romantic relationship, gradually the passionate romance that was once hectic will transition into a more compassionate relationship, with the occasional sex once a month. This is a more pleasant way of saying that as time goes on you are less interested in pounding each other than you are in cuddling on the couch watching television together. It is very rare to find a couple that has been together for 2 decades or even 2 years who still experience the same high level of frenzied passion that once occurred during the start of the romantic relationship. But this compassionate love offers a chance for your relationship to be reborn.
During the compassionate relationship, the spontaneity, the excitement, and satisfying sex usually slow down, and more emotional work is required by both partners to continue building sexual feelings and exploration. This is not an end to romance or sex, it's often just a temporary state of conflict as you find your way through it. For many couples, this is a real beginning and a test of the strength of your love. There is no romantic relationship that does not have conflicts and it is up to you to start the negotiation process so that you can live with each other, enjoying the same great romance and sexual desire that you've always had.
Second honeymoon? Hell yes!
A change in romantic love purely signifies time and evolution of life. However, this change can help you increase your sexual attraction and chemistry. When romantic love is focused in the right direction, the spark you once had doesn’t fade, it purely morphs into a new position and meaning. But how do you utilize romantic attraction to fuel passion in the bedroom? It’s actually fairly simple …
What is typically perceived as lost romance can be centered as a reconnection period that can once again invigorate you as a couple, increasing sexual desire through an intensified emotional bond. Focusing on improving this aspect of your relationship has excellent mental health benefits as both of you grow and change.
You’re in your relationship for a reason. Love still exists. With OTN, you can learn how to channel your energy the right way, so that what you had in the past is also in the future.