How to Introduce Porn
Watching people have sex is hot, but when you get involved in something you don't usually do with another person, you create another element of naughtiness. That added illicit feeling can make not just the actors, but you and your partner also enjoy yourselves, so instead of wasting an hour flipping through Netflix on a Friday night, consider a much hotter type of screen time in bed: watch porn together and get filled.
Do you know those random things that turn you on? Like seeing a woman with her mouth wrapped over a penis while trying to chug it all down. Or seeing a woman having her nipples sucked while she moans softly. Viewing porn with your partner creates an opportunity to talk about those hot ideas and how you would like it to be done to you. Also, it brings partners to have honest conversations about how they want to be handled in bed.
Viewing porn with your partner can also turn you on. Watching people deep throat or ride each other is insanely stimulating to the brain. So, while watching, you and your partner can get turned on and start exploring with your hands.
You must have read about all the sex positions in the world, but it doesn't come any closer to seeing the actual thing in action. Watching real people enjoy non-vanilla sex can make what you think will be unrealistic - doable and fun. Watching porn together may encourage couples to try role play, new positions, or acts they haven't tried before.
But how do you introduce this into your relationship? Even if you have both watched porn privately, how do you start a porn adventure together without causing problems?
There’s actually an easy path to this. However, we have found that for many couples, even after decades of being together, they struggle with the pornography conversation. But OTN won’t settle for anything less than the sex life you deserve, so let’s have the conversation and start the porn obsession!
Step 1 - Communication
Communication is key in every relationship. We generally don't advise you to suddenly spring porn onto your partner. In some relationships this could be acceptable, but for most, it’s probably not. Guys … you’re generally more open to porn by nature, but remember, this may require some finesse with your partner. Don’t jump in carelessly, or you may find yourself sleeping on the couch.
Whether male or female, whoever is curious about the world of porn, should introduce the topic in a broad discussion. While some partners may quickly show interest, others may need to set boundaries and expectations in a more organized fashion. Make the conversations casual and approachable without requirements.
For example, sit down on a Friday night while you’re surfing channels for a movie and open up about your interest in watching porn together. Remember that the very thing that makes porn so interesting, such as the thrill, sharing your fantasies, and being stimulated by images of different bodies, can pose a threat to your relationship if you are not on the same page. The key to avoiding jealousy and resentment that might come with the excitement, is setting some ground rules and keeping communication open between the two of you.
This means no topic is out of boundaries and each partner needs to listen to the other. This is a great time to discuss your desires, needs, expectations and use of pornography. You may find that both of you have been enjoying porn privately for quite some time. Or you may find that your other half is very intimidated by porn and sees it as a threat. All these ideas must be addressed; and it could take multiple conversations.
At the end of the day, the goal is to increase your sexual engagement and porn is merely a tool to do that.
*Tip - If you can’t seem to push past the conversation, commit to trying porn as a couple, at least one time. Often it is the unknown that makes you nervous. Once you’re in it, you’ll most likely encounter unexpected pleasures, opening your mind to more twists that you ever imagined. But, you can’t get there without trying at least once, so don’t let the conversation end without the commitment to try porn together. A little push can take you a long way … and you know all about a little push and pull in the sheets. 😉
Step 2 – Introduce Slowly
Slow and steady always wins the race. More so, when trying porn for the first time, keep it simple, take it slow, don't rush into kinky scenarios and gangbangs. Take time to enjoy the experience and show your partner your intentions along the way. Start with something small and go from there. The first time you introduce new, it does not have to be something outrageous.
And in this scenario specifically, you don’t want it to be outrageous, unless both of you have agreed to it. Too much too fast usually ends badly, so take this time to try, test, tease, and feel out each other’s reactions.
If porn is very new, start with simple one-on-one scenes. It’s a normal situation that shouldn’t cause any relationship issues. Then you can touch each other and start to feel how watching porn enhances and changes the mood. Other options for first time viewing are male/female oral sex, public sex, or couples roleplay. As you get more comfortable and interest grows, you can move into multi-player scenes, BDSM, anal sex, etc.
Use a thoughtful approach to create a positive sexual dimension with pornography. A slow start now should yield large rewards in the future, paid in full by orgasms.
Step 3 - Define What Turns You On
You need to define what turns you on individually, and as a couple. When it comes to porn, there is no 'one size fits all’ approach. Something that turns you on might be a turn-off for the other person, so understanding what turns on both of you, will help you select the right porn.
When watching porn alone, you may prefer a specific scenario, but when you’re watching with your partner that wish list might change. A solo porn routine focuses on your pleasure, but a couples porn routine focuses on each other.
Once you've defined your interests, the goal is to keep each other engaged in the experience. The key to connecting with your partner is to focus on the intimacy and romance of the moment while you watch porn. To make it sexy rather than awkward, play with each other's hair and make out along the way. Touch whenever you want and act out the scene if you’re ready.
Talking to each other about what is turning you on as you watch porn together can also help you stay connected and in tune with each other. Don't worry; you don't have to be an expert at dirty talk to easily pull that off, drop subtle hints like, “That looks fun,” or, “I am getting so hot watching this with you, and I can feel my panties getting wet.” Communicating your desires needs to be a two-way street if you truly want to connect with your partner. This will make you more intimate and provide an opportunity to take your sexual connection to a higher level.
*Tip - Agree not to judge each other over what turns you on and off when seeing each video, just have honest reactions to it. This is a judgment-free zone people. Don’t create problems that don’t exist; let each other explore and enjoy.
Step 4 - Prioritize Yourselves
Whenever you see each other, always prioritize yourselves and not the porn. The idea of introducing other people into your bedroom, even if it is just through a video, can make some people feel deprioritized. So, whenever you ask your partner if they would be interested in watching porn together, emphasize the goal of watching the porn together is to enhance the sex between the two of you.
You could say something like, “I thought that maybe you and I could mix things up a little bit and watch some videos to inspire us. I think that would be really hot and just having the idea in my head makes me want to put my hands all over you.”
If you don't think your partner has issues with insecurity, you can probably say, “I want to show you something that turns me on and would turn you on.”
The main goal is to please each other and not get distracted. It's about you two and not the actors. While watching porn, keep making it clear to your partner that it is just an addition to your sex life and not a substitute. Ensure you are interested in your partner while watching the porn. This is done through sexual touching, kissing, dirty talk, etc.
One very important thing to note when watching porn is never to compare yourselves with the actors in the sex film. It is always important to know that the actors are created to be sexually stimulating.
Incorporating porn into your sex life is a fun game of twisted pleasures that can allow you to engage in completely new ways. Introducing porn is the first step toward opening your mind to a new sexual toy.