Your First Time Using Dom/Sub Roles
When defining and understanding BDSM, people generally think of the popular movie “Fifty Shades of Grey” and Christian Grey's kinky equipment like handcuffs, chains, ropes, and others. Their fictitious BDSM relationship revolves around power dynamics, power play, bondage, and discipline. Christian Grey is a male dominant, that is, the dominant partner, whereas Anastasia Steele plays the role of being submissive.
Moving on to reality, the first questions that pop into our minds include, 'Does that kind of relationship exist? If it does, how does it work?’ And those questions are not that hard to answer; first, it does exist, and just like it is seen in the movie, it's about one partner dominating the other.
If you look around, you will notice a partner who is more submissive in every relationship and another who is more dominant. However, women are mainly represented as those who fall for strong, powerful, and dominant men, who are just waiting for a gentle and fragile woman to come their way.
Nowadays, many men are dying for the touch of a hot woman to dominate them, and this has become their biggest sexual fantasy. So, what does BDSM stands for?
BDSM includes and stands for Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism (SM). Simply put, a dominant-submissive relationship is a relationship where one partner is dominant, and the other one submits to their partner.
A vital thing to understand is that roles in a dominant-submissive relationship aren't absolute. They can be changed. For example, if a woman is a submissive partner, she can give her partner a massage and plea to him in ways he commands. The next day, they could exchange roles, and he must do whatever she asks him to do. It is this power play that makes that makes BDSM so alluring. Not to mention, the focus of pain-based pleasure that allows couples to release stress, live their fantasies, and participate in roles that they don’t typically live in every day life.
Benefits of Dom/Sub Relationship
Practicing kinky sex and being in a dominant/submissive relationship, in general, has many advantages when it comes to overall health and well-being. It helps couples create a stronger bond and feel at ease. More so, it improves communication, increases intimacy, encourages fidelity, improves mental health, reduces psychological stress, and reduces anxiety.
So, aside from pleasure, a Dominant/Submissive relationship can benefit both our mental and physical health. If that isn’t an excuse to have kinky sex, I don’t know what is.
Roles of the Dom/Sub
For better understanding, let’s explore what these roles look like. Dominant roles take control of everything and run the experience. Their wishes must be adhered to and punishment is expected if you disobey. Dominants expect to be pleased, as they prioritize their own desires, and demand obedience.
While dominance is all about being in control, the submissive enjoys being controlled and loves to please the dominant in every way possible. The submissive is not forced to do anything as they are not enslaved, their desire is just to please their partner. The submissive role includes being prepared to please the dominant at any cost, adhering to the needs of the dominant, acceptance of control, and complete physical submission.
These are the roles that create a true BDSM experience and allow exploration of bondage, discipline, pain and pleasure.
Rules that might be needed for Dom/Sub
Just to be clear, there are no set rules for this relationship, but these are advisable guidelines for both partners to follow, especially on the first time.
Implementing the roles
We often talk to couples who want to try some BDSM, but aren’t sure how to implement the roles. There are various things to discuss with your partner and consider as you’re taking the steps to have some kinky fun. Below we have provided an outline:
It’s best to be open-minded to try out new things that you might not have previously liked or considered. Maybe this time, he is going to do it differently. Give it a try and see what happens. This play is not without a little risk, but the gratification is certainly worth the discovery.
Trust is extremely important when building a BDSM relationship. Use the trust in your relationship as a foundation. Understand that more trust will build over time, as you engage in BDSM activities. This can be tricky though, as even the most trusting relationship can experience some difficulty when first trying dom/sub roles. Remember that while it's expected from the submissive to play the part of a servant, it is also expected from the dominant to be a worthy leader. It may take some practice for both of you to truly get in the mindset of these roles and be able to properly execute them.
Then focus on honest communication. For every kink, there must be communication. There must be communication with your partner to understand how he/she want things done and how he/she want to be touched or dominated. An important piece of communication is the use of a safe word. When trying dom/sub roles, you both should have a safe word when you want something to stop or continue. Some people use green, yellow, and red; green means to proceed, yellow means to proceed with caution, while red means to stop! Whatever you decide, consider it part of your essential communication.
Your health is also a consideration. Dom/Sub play requires both partners to be mentally and physically healthy. Since you’ll be pushing boundaries and testing new sexual ventures, being in a good headspace, feeling mentally close to your partner, and having physical stability to tolerate pain, are crucial pieces of this.
The importance of every kink is enjoyment. You’re doing this to have fun and enjoy each other on a higher level. Light or heavy BDSM is one of the most powerful ways to gain a deeper connection, so a little effort now to setup the roles correctly will be well worth it in the end.
Dom/Sub Playtime
When you’re first starting out and learning your role, as well as your partner’s, there are some things you can do to play and help each other feel comfortable. Once you’re comfortable, we guarantee this will be an erotic zone of endless play. Let’s get started!
Spanking. Erotic spanking is a type of play in which the dominant uses their hands or a whip to spank parts of the submissive’s body for sexual pleasure. Spanking can be used as foreplay before sexual intercourse. An erotic spanking can increase blood flow and release pleasurable chemicals in the brain, including endorphins and dopamine, to enhance sexual pleasure.
Dirty Talk. Using a particular language in the bedroom is an integral part of dominant behavior in a Dom/Sub relationship. As the dominant one, you can command your submissive partner to address you with respectful pronouns like ‘sir’ or ‘madam,’ or even ‘master,’ to show that you are in control. You can also use dirty talk to describe what you are about to do to your submissive partner or how you'd like them to be treating you.
Play a game. For example, “Master, may I cum?” In this type of game, you aren't allowed to cum without the dominant partner's permission. He may play with your tits or suck your clit when you are about to cum, yet still refuse to allow you to cum. Having an orgasm without his permission will warrant punishment.
Roleplay. This can jumpstart the action of a dom/sub scenario because it allows easy roles for each person to slip into and help you distance yourself from the situation. If you are feeling a little scared; for starters, you can consider roleplay situations that already have a built- in power dynamic with both a dominant and submissive role. For instance, king and queen and humble servant, teacher and student, famous celebrity and personal assistant, cop and robber, man and prostitute, etc.
A sincere dominant/submissive relationship is respect and care, and every woman wants that in her relationship. The only notable difference is that there are rules established that you must follow to ensure both parties are happy and satisfied.
When trying for the first time, it might be different from your expectations, but it only gets better with time and continuous practice. So, give it a try.