What’s Your Kink Level?
Many people use the terms ‘kink’ and ‘fetish’ interchangeably, but there is a world of difference between the two.
Put simply, a kink is something you enjoy, whereas a fetish is something you need; in other words, you can’t perform sexually without it. In this article, we are going to look at kinks, and the different levels.
Aren’t all Kinks the Same?
Nope. There are as many kinks as there are people indulging in them, and your kink level can range from being totally vanilla (with no kinks at all) to something like emetophilia - or getting turned on by vomit - although you might get sick of that one – Haha!
When it comes to kinks, it’s horses for courses (and Pony Play is a real BDSM kink, too), and everyone will have their own preferences.
Whether you indulge in your own fantasy once a week or once a year on your birthday, there is nothing wrong with adding a little spice to your sex life, so go forth and copulate with abandon.
Are Men and Women the Same When it Comes to Kink?
Unsurprisingly, no... men have a different set of preferences to women when it comes to coloring outside the proverbial box. For example, according to Justin Lehmiller Ph.D. of the Kinsey Insititute, 4175 people aged 18 – 87 (you go, Grandma) were surveyed about their fantasies, and the results showed some interesting differences.
It’s no surprise that 93% of men and 96% of women had some kind of fantasy around BDSM, although that is a very big umbrella, and can be as mild as tying your partner’s hands to the bedpost, or as full-on as a ‘torture’ chamber, with every shade of BDSM in-between, including spanking and biting, for example.
Bodily fluids also came up frequently. Apart from the obvious, there was also a preference for spit, with 45% of men and 35% of women saying yes please, while breastmilk had a larger margin, with only 14% of women liking the thought compared to 31% of men.
According to the Metro, though, the differences are even more marked. For instance, whereas al fresco fucks are number one on a woman’s kink list, they only come in at number four on a man’s. At the top of the men’s list is DIY porn (filming themselves in a fuck fest), which only gets a mention at number six for women. And while blindfolded sex is at number two for women, it’s right down at the bottom for men, at number 10.
How Many Kinks are There?
How long is a piece of bondage string? There is a literal A-Z of kinks because the things that turn people on really are that varied. There’s not enough space to list the hundreds...even thousands...of kinks that exists, so here’s a selection.
A can be for age play (where one partner behaves like they’re younger or older than the other, right down to wearing a nappy in some cases), anonymous sex (pretending you don’t know your partner or actually having sex with a stranger) or amaurophilia (being blindfolded during sex).
C could be for CBT. Not to be confused with cognitive behavior therapy, in the sex world this stands for cock and ball torture, which is exactly as it sounds...inflicting pain on a man’s dick or danglers. It could also be for cuckolding, which is when a man is turned on by his partner having sex with another man, and being humiliated in the process.
E might be eproctophilia which, I kid you not, is the sexual arousal from farts. No more blaming it on the dog, then.
I could be for impact play, which encompasses things like slapping, spanking, and using paddles, or it might mean imprisonment, which would involve being kept ‘imprisoned’ in a cage, for example, or even just a certain room.
M is for medical play, and who hasn’t roleplayed a doctors and nurses situation? M could also stand for maschalagnia, which is the sexual arousal by all-things armpits, including smelling, licking, and kissing, as well as fucking it.
If you like talking dirty, you will enjoy our N kink, which stands for narratophilia – being turned on by talking dirty or telling or hearing erotic tales. Alternatively, you might be a nyctophiliac, which, while sounding very ‘out there,’ simply means you have a thing for the dark.
Odaxelagnia is a kink involving biting or being bitten. Another O, though, could be omorashi, which is being sexually aroused by urinating on yourself.
P is an interesting one. Pet play, thankfully, doesn’t involve animals, but rather is about acting like a domesticated animal. A common one is walking on all fours and being led by a leash, or eating from a bowl on the floor. Then again, it could also be plushophilia, which involves stuffed animals.
If you thought there couldn’t possibly be a kink beginning with Q you’d be wrong, because quirofilia is a sexual fascination with hands, or parts of hands.
Rape fantasy is a surprisingly common kink for R, and involves the acting out of being forcibly fucked. It could also stand for rimming, which is teasing and tasting the butthole.
S can’t be mentioned without including sadomasochism, or sadism and masochism. This can be in varying degrees, but is a common factor of BDSM, in which one partner is dominant and enjoys inflicting pain, and the other is submissive and enjoys receiving pain. Then again, it could stand for sensory deprivation, in which one partner has their eyes blindfolded, their ears blocked, or their hands gloved, for example, so they cannot use that sense. There is also the strap-on, which involves one partner wearing a strap-on cock to penetrate the other, either vaginally, anally, or orally. Or maybe in the armpit if you fancy going back to ‘M.’
Love it or hate it, tickling is a kink beginning with ‘T,’ while tripsolagnophilia is a massage kink.
If you’ve ever seen An Officer and a Gentleman (or if that’s way before your time how about Top Gun?), you will know the appeal of a uniform. That makes it a strong contender for a U kink. Fancy being manhandled by a matron? Sucked off in the slammer by a prison guard? Plundered by a plumber? Better hit the fancy dress stores! Of course, U can also be for urtication, which is the sexual arousal by stinging someone with, or being stung by, a nettle.
If you thought getting to the end of the alphabet was going to be difficult, think again. Yeastiality is engaging in sexual activities with bread (at the risk of thrush and other infections, ouch), while xylophilia is a sexual kink to do with wood. And finally, being aroused by jealousy is called zelophilia, which takes care of the Z.
Are all Kinks Extreme?
No, all kinks are not extreme, and the examples we’ve shown above are just to demonstrate the sheer range of preferences there are. There are no rights or wrongs when it comes to kinks, as long as everyone concerned is on board and happy to take part.
What one person calls a kink, another will see as vanilla; for some couples, oral sex is seen as a forbidden fruit, while for others regularly tying each other up is what they do on their unadventurous days. Kinks range from very mild - barely a single chocolate chip in a sea of vanilla - to one vanilla seed in a bowl of frozen chilis. And don’t let anyone tell you yours is too far towards either extreme.
How Do I Go About Adding More Kink?
You might be dying to add a little spice to your sex life, but wonder what your partner will think of you, so you keep quiet. The thing is, they might be thinking the same as you. Communication is key here, so don’t be afraid to bring up the subject.
Many of us were taught from a young age that sex is shameful, so doing anything remotely deviant might seem beyond the pale, but remember, sex is natural, and fucking is fucking awesome, even more so if you’re doing it in a way that elevates your excitement.
Think about what you really want. It’s no good introducing the concept of kink to your partner if you don’t really know what you fancy; it’s a huge subject. Spend some time thinking about it, discover what feels good and what you’re curious about, and then take it from there.
If you’re afraid that your partner will take your suggestion as a slight, come at it from a place of vulnerability. Something along the lines of “There’s something I’ve always wanted to try, but I’m afraid you might think me strange for mentioning it...” By saying you’ve always been curious about it, you are taking the pressure off your partner, and they will not see it as a criticism of their performance. It could even open a path for them to come back with their own curiosities, but just make sure you listen and treat their request with the same open-mindedness you asked for.
Watch your language. You might want to venture into BDSM, but if you mention bondage or sadism, you might scare you partner off. Instead use phrases like “I’d love you to tie my hands to the bedpost so you can do whatever you want to me” it’s a much less scary prospect for a bondage virgin to contemplate.
Similarly, take baby steps. Staying with the BDSM theme, don’t wade in with a gimp mask and cock cage, because that might be a step too far. Once you’ve tested the waters with The Conversation, begin with some silk ties, handcuffs, or a blindfold. The chances are they will enjoy it as much as you, and you can then begin to explore it together.
In the end, kinks are a bit of fun, a way to add an edge to your sex life. If you’re with the right partner you will have nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain by introducing the idea …