Riding the Edge
A yoga instructor in Sex and the City once said to a horrified Samantha Jones that “the only thing hotter than sex is not having sex”. Don’t worry, though; while he was talking about self-imposed celibacy, we’re all about having better sex, not giving it up!
But there is some merit in his statement, because – for a while at least – the only thing hotter than cumming is not cumming. We refer, of course, to the practice of ‘edging’ or ‘riding the edge.’
What is Riding the Edge?
In short, riding the edge is the practice of bringing your partner, or yourself, to the edge of orgasm, and then slowing down or stopping so the feeling subsides. Doing this repeatedly creates a stronger orgasm and more intense experience.
What does it achieve?
Riding the edge is great for couples to try together. Rather than a wham bam thank you ma’am, edging allows the entire session to be drawn out. Using edging as a form of foreplay can keep things going for as long as either of you can bear – take your partner to the very edge of orgasm as many times as they can stand it, before finally letting them cum in one explosive orgasm. It’s an insanely powerful skill to have and can really play into the Sub/Dom experience, because one partner is absolutely at the mercy of the other.
There is a caveat to that, though. Just like in S&M, you should have a password or phrase that will be acted on without question. Being stimulated to the point of orgasm – or rather just before that point – can be exquisite, but there could come a point where it is too much to bear. That could be because her clit has become too sensitive, or maybe his balls are aching and he needs to cum now, in which case, don’t put him to the testes.
Riding the edge is also a fun way to learn about yourself. While it is a huge turn on to have your partner in charge, you can ride the edge alone. Guys can learn how many strokes it takes, on average, before they cum, while women can learn to pinpoint that moment where things have gone past the point of no return. Both sexes will make better lovers if they know how to control their own climax first.
Another benefit to edging, and probably the reason most people do it is because it can last – in the words of Lionel Richie – all night long. Intercourse itself is a short-lived activity. If you forego the foreplay, you’re looking at an average of 5.4 minutes, and that’s, well, total shit. Talk about a disappointment. But by learning how to edge, you can make the entire thing last for as long as you both want.
Edging can also result in THE most eruptive orgasms you will ever experience. Need I say more?
Where does edging come from?
We’re just teasing you with the word ‘come’ aren’t we? But, as someone wise once said, “good things come to those who wait”.
Edging is a huge part of Tantric Sex. In case you didn’t know, Tantric Sex is a method that seeks to increase a deep spiritual connection between lovers, using breathwork, eye contact, and yes...slow lovemaking. The whole concept of the practice is that it’s the journey that’s important, not only the destination.
What can edging do for you and your partner?
Sex, in general, comes with the expectation that one or both of you will climax. To do that, there is the expectation that you will fuck, cum, and be done. It’s a pattern that many couples fall into, and if it works for you, fine. But edging can release you from those expectations. There’s no assumption that penetration will take place, there’s no set number of times you will pull back from the edge, there’s not even a set method of doing so. Edging is all about being in the moment, and seeing where it takes you, with no pressure from either party.
Being in the moment, or mindfulness, is the mainstay of edging. We all lead busy lives; work, finances, families, and friends, all jostle for our attention which can create a frenetic mindset that is exhausting. Edging allows you and your partner to just ‘be’ - because you are so engrossed in how you feel and how the other is feeling, there is no space in your head for the bullshit of everyday life. It’s like building a giant bubble around the two of you, which nothing can...ahem...penetrate. It might be the only time of the day when you can make your partner feel like they are the most important thing in your life, and vice versa.
It can be easy to lose that connection you once had with your partner. Life can be stressful, and we can take each other for granted; we rarely have time for ourselves, let alone each other. The Tantric nature of edging means that you can rebuild your connection and deepen it to a level you never thought possible. Watching your lover for signs that they are nearing orgasm can teach you so much about them; what they like, what doesn’t work, how they move, moan, and sigh. Perfecting the art of orgasm control involves you becoming acutely aware of your partner, not just as a person but as a sexual being, and that’s something that can be forgotten in the humdrum crap that life throws at us.
Have Friday nights become Fuck Nights? Maybe Saturday is Sex Day? Whatever routine you’ve fallen into, mastering the art of edging will turn that regime on its head because there is nothing routine about this practice. By its very nature, routine sex can literally become a ‘lie back and think of England’ kind of experience, just another chore to tick off the to-do list. And that is tragic, because sex can be fucking magnificent. Edging will change that completely. Not only is the build-up insanely good – and don’t forget, it’s the journey and not the destination that’s important – but when you do fuck, you can both make it last for so much longer. Once you master the art of controlling your orgasm, you will be able to ride the edge during penetration, and slow things down for a while before building it up, over and over again.
How do you begin to ride the edge?
Like everything in life, practice makes perfect, so the best way to begin is to practice on yourself.
Guys, we know this is a tough job, but you need to start masturbating much more often. When you can feel your climax building, slow down your strokes until it subsides, and then pick up the pace again. You might only manage this once or twice to start with, but the more you practice (what a chore), the more control you will have.
Another way for men to edge is to practice what is called ballooning. Do the same as above, but as you stop and allow your arousal to subside, squeeze your Kegel muscles (the same ones you would use to stop mid-pee). This will strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and give you even more control.
Girls, try masturbating with a clit vibrator that has a fast response on/off switch. Play to the point just before cumming and then switch it off, let the feeling subside, and then do it again.
Another way for girls to edge is to play with the speeds and pressure of the vibrations. This will help you understand what is truly stimulating and what is just broadly appealing.
Once you have mastered this art – and don’t forget, you can do this alone or with your partner watching or even masturbating simultaneously – you can move on to edging with each other.
You can incorporate riding the edge in any way you want. You can play with her clit, lick her pussy, or straight up fuck (but remember, women don’t often orgasm through penetration alone). As a woman you can give him a hand job, suck him, or have him inside you – the choice is yours. Just before the point of no return, practice diverting his/her attention elsewhere; move your hand/tongue/lips to another part of the body to allow the hard-on (and yes, women’s clits also become ‘erect’ when aroused) to subside a little before carrying on.
A very powerful technique in Tantra involves mentally moving the orgasmic energy away from your genitals. Sounds a little out-there, right? Bear with me. So, at the point just before cumming, take a slow, deep breath and imagine drawing that pent-up energy away from your cock or pussy, and moving it up towards your head. If your imagination needs a little nudge, your partner can run their fingers lightly from your genitals to your head, so you have a path to follow with your mind. Repeat this as many times as you can bear, and once you get it licked - so to speak - you will be the proud owner of full-body orgasms, which are the most explosive you will ever feel.
As I’ve already mentioned, riding the edge can fall into the BDSM category, and if that’s your thing you can totally combine the two. Adding bondage to the mix really ups the ante, because if your partner’s hands are tied, there is abso-fucking-lutely nothing they can do to stop you. Now, before we go any further, you will need to set a safe word as with any BDSM practice, and once your partner utters that word, you stop, or, in the case of riding the edge, you let them cum. She, for example, might try to pull your head in closer when you’re eating her out to finish her off. If she’s tied up, though, she won’t be able to, and you will have to read her body language to know when to stop. The same applies to a man. If he is bound, he is completely at your orgasmic mercy, and you will have to watch him carefully to know when to slow things down or let his cock explode when he’s had enough.
As you become more advanced, set rules for each other. Tell one another when you can and can’t cum. If the woman tells the man he can’t cum, then he will have to learn to control his orgasm and strengthen his mind. Same for the female. Being told you can’t orgasm is an intense mind game that makes you personally responsible for riding the edge, despite the physical touch from your partner.
Riding the edge takes a lot of self-control, but let’s face it, the homework is a lot of fun. Once you have mastered – or masturbated – the art of edging, you will enjoy a sex life with your partner that you only ever dreamed about. Not only will it be the best sex you’ve ever had, but it will also bring you much closer together, because you will be forced (in the nicest possible way) to concentrate on each other. Reading the cues in your lover’s face and body takes practice, and that can only be achieved through intimacy, communication, and attention, all of which will enhance your relationship immeasurably.